POWER GAMES: Children are experts at developing coping skills. They sometimes get into power games with their parents and other family members.
When you gather a group of preschoolers into a classroom situation, they bring with them and try to use all these coping skills and power games which worked so well at home. If you are consistent in what you expect from them, they will soon learn what they can and can’t do at school. And, as you play with and teach them, most will forget about trying to manipulate you because you are having so much fun together.
HOW CAN I GET THEM TO PLAY MY GAME? One of the power games which often comes up is the use of the word, "no." When you suggest a certain game or activity there may be some children who don’t want to do it. This is especially true of two year olds. We call it the "no stage." They disagree with just about everything you want them to do, even if it is something they might like if they tried it. Don’t give them a chance to say no! Instead of giving orders or asking if they would like to do something, try a different approach.
WHAT I FOUND OUT: One time while visiting my daughter I noticed that as she was busy trying to get done all the things she had to do, my two-year-old grandson was just as busy "helping" her. She tried to distract him with toys, but he would have none of it. And as I watched, here is what I found out. He wanted to use the real phone. He wanted to use the real fork to feed himself. He wanted to use the real keys to unlock the door (never mind that they were the car keys). And he wanted to use the real pen. In other words, he wanted to do real stuff just like grown-ups do.
THE REAL THING: You can use this to your advantage. When you want to introduce a certain learning game, make it a real game! Begin playing with it yourself. Your children don’t know the difference between grown-up stuff and kid stuff. All they know is that there are some things you do and some things you try to get them to do. And what would they rather do? They want to do what you do.
So sit down in the midst of their free-time activities and, without a word, start playing the game. Children are copycats. When they see that this is something you do, they will want to do it, too. After all, this is grown-up stuff. As they crowd around to see what you are doing, you can work them into the activity with you. And you have by-passed the opportunity to use that big power word, "no."
© 2005 by Jodi VanBibber, SUNNY HOLLOW PRESS